My current favorite song + quick update

March 29, 2015 | 10:30pm

Pull Me Down by Mikky Ekko (and a LIVE version at that because the album version does not do it justice)

Seeing that it’s been since July of 2014 since I’ve last written in here, here are some bullet points to catch up on my life since then:

+ August 2014, I turned a quarter century and spent my weekend at Lollapalooza! An experience that I’ll forever cherish, but also be ok with never having to go back again.
+ Same month, I got my VERY FIRST EVER APARTMENT. And I currently live alone in one of the cutest neighborhoods in Chicago for a steal.
+ Spent the holidays back home and got to come back to spend my first New Year’s Eve in a different city. I spent it at a small in house Rap Show which I almost fell asleep on the couch…
+ One of my exes(dude I was never with but in love with) announced that he was having a kid. That makes three. Three bullets I dodged maybe?
+ Coming up on a year of my “temp” job even after my boss, the one who hired me, up and left us. That’s never a good sign. But the fact that I accepted this job as a temp employee and still have it almost a year later says something, right? Yeah, maybe that I need to find a new job who wants to actually hire me haha.

And I think that’s pretty much it. Cool, alright, until next time :)

Because nothing lasts forever

March 29, 2015 | 10:25 pm

“July 9:

And then we fell asleep and I swear it was like we slept the whole night. And I remember waking up with his arms around me. And I don’t know why, but in that moment, everything felt so right. Like if I could just be there with him. For however the fuck long. I didn’t want to go to work or anything. Just stay in that moment with him. Spend the rest of the day like that.”

What’s mind boggling to me is how one can feel so intensely about something/someone at one point in time, but that feeling always goes away. Maybe that’s just from my experience, though. Ok, well maybe the better way to say it is that the feeling can go away. Or that the feeling changes.

Eh. Whatever, right? Life goes on.

Apartment hunting frustration

Tuesday, July 15 2014

At work talking to my co worker about how I’m back to square one and he says, 

“You never left square one. You just brought someone in there with you. You’re still in square one, just alone now.”

I laughed, but ain’t that the truth. Life.

Today is my half year mark of living in Chicago

(07/10/2014 Taken from Roosevelt Rd. as I walked to the bus stop after getting off work)

Thursday, July 10, 2014
Six months ago, I left home. And for the first three months, I really had nothing to share. I actually was pretty miserable every time a month hit and I realized that I had nothing to show for it. BUT it’s also been three months since I’ve updated this. I’ve been busy because I accepted a job that I almost didn’t even show up to the interview for (life is funny like that). And now with a month and a half into it, I’m so relieved that it all worked out because I would’ve kicked myself in the butt for having missed out on this opportunity.

Long story short, I work for Uber as a Brand Ambassador and Operations Assistant. During the week, it’s a normal Monday-Friday 9-5 office job and I sit there and approve documents all day– not very exciting. But I work with the most interesting people where we sit and talk and laugh together all day where it doesn’t even feel like work. Then during the weekends every now and then, I work events where I give away free stuff and free rides to people who sign up with Uber. And it’s great because I get paid to go to these festivals that I never heard of and I get free food, water, t shirts, and sometimes they’re even free concerts. Also, it’s great networking ;)

I’m also struggling to make it through the summer here. Winter was not a problem for me (because we all know I love the cold), but this summer is BRUTAL. It’s hot and humid and makes me sticky and lethargic and I hate it.

I am also in the works of finding a place– with a roommate. I was so adamant on finding a place on my own, mostly because it was a pride thing. Buuut I finally succumbed and accepted that having a roommate is the most practical idea. But this apartment hunting is a pain in my ass and it’s like trying to find a job all over again.

Also, with my first half of a year away from home, I have missed my all of my family’s birthdays, Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day. And that was rough for me to know that they were out celebrating together while I was here.


And for your entertainment, here’s a list of things that I have noticed/learned while being here so far:

1. A two mile commute will take you fifteen minutes.
There is traffic. Every day. Every where. 11pm on a Sunday night. 1:30 in the afternoon on a Wednesday. Because why the fuck not?

2. Driving here is a nightmare.
Because drivers are assholes and parking is a pain in the ass. I can’t even get into it.

3. Don’t bother trying to change lanes. They are lined with potholes.
Just don’t.

4. Speaking of potholes… they are sinkholes.
You do all know I’m terrified of sinkholes, right?

5. When you say you’re on LSD, you are not on drugs.
You’re on Lake Shore Dr and LSD is the abbreviation for the beautifully scenic route along Lake Michigan.

6. Paulina St. is pronounced Paul-ine-uh, not Paul-een-uh.
I also just recently learned that it’s pronounced SHI-cago not CHI-cago and feel like an idiot and am wondering why no one told me this before.

7. People think that it’s “endearing” that you put your parking brake on.
By endearing, I’m sure my friend meant idiotic. There are no hills here. Flat surface. Everywhere. Why.

8. You get all four seasons… in one day.
It can be nice and breezy in the morning, 90 degrees with 75% humidity during the day, then at night it’ll rain and thunderstorm. Thunderstorms are pretty scary, btw.

9. They LOVE their sports
I’m not talking seasonal fans (ahem, Padres and Chargers fans), but you’ll see Chicago sports team pride all year long. Bulls. Blackhawks. Bears. Cubs. White Sox. Every day. Every where.

10. They put lettuce on their tacos and try to convince you that it’s Mexican food.
Also, their salsa is served warm (what?), and their guacamole is awful. But I will give them some credit, I have had some decent Mexican food here. It’s just not the same, though!


Aaand I guess that’ll do it for now. Check back with me sooon ;)

Take things are they are.



I’ve never been the type to “live in the moment” and just “go with the flow.” However, at this point in my life, I really have no other option. I’m way too anxious of a person to be able to just go about without plan or destination. I guess the older I got, the idea of living spontaneously just got slightly more comfortable. Maybe comfortable isn’t the right word, though. Maybe I’ve just learned to accommodate, especially under circumstances just way beyond my control. The moment you start to accept that you cannot control everything, and there will be outcomes that you may or may not have expected, the more liberating you feel.

I am liberated. I am learning to take deep breaths and appreciate what I have, while not being concerned about what I don’t. I’m just trying my best to take things as they are. Nothing more, nothing less.

[05/01/14; 7:35pm]

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I like the idea of being alone. I like the idea of often being alone in all aspects of my life. I like to feel lonely. I like to need things.

- Robert Plant.

I like the idea…

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Three month reflection


(Photo taken 04/09/14 from a friend’s apartment in Little Italy)

I have been in this new city for three months and after a short series of unfortunate events, it has made me question if it was a mistake leaving home. And then I realized how ridiculous that sounded and reassured myself that I regret nothing. I may not have any income, (as I slowly deplete into my savings), and I may be crashing on a couch in the city, and I may not have the slightest idea of what I’m doing, but I’ll take this over the alternative. The alternative, of course, being preparing for Cinco de Mayo at a Mexican restaurant and daydreaming of getting out of my comfortable life.

Alright, no need to sugar coat it, I’m just going to lay it all out there. I have absolutely no fucking idea what I am doing. Finding a job has proven to be far more difficult than I imagined (although I did have a job just shy of two weeks before quitting, but I won’t get into that). I am basically a lost bird who left the nest and is flying from branch to branch. I have no idea what a home is as I am bouncing from guest room, to guest couch, to wherever I can sleep. Some days, I break down in tears at how unbelievably home sick I get. I’ve weened off of my medication and now all my neurotransmitters are back to being all out of whack. And I’ve met a boy who I may or may not have developed these things called “feelings” for and I have no idea what to do with them (aaand I hope he’s not reading this because I’ll be embarrassed).

But like I said, I don’t take any of this back for anything.

Half the battle is trying something different…it doesn’t work for all and that’s not a bad thing. The fact that you tried is SO awesome and admirable!… From my point of view, you ROCK for having tried it!!!

My old manager, mentor, and friend said that to me the other day as a reassurance that I did the right thing. It may not feel like it at the moment, but my time here is far from over. On my worst days, I want nothing more than to pack up my things and go back home. But on my best days, I reflect on how I was able to see and do things that I never even thought were possible. I think back to a year ago when I was struggling to graduate school, and after all the times I almost gave up, I still managed. I think back to all my hardest days and how I was able to get through them. And with that, this is no different.

So, in conclusion, I’ve been here for three months, still have no idea what I’m doing, and deal with some days that are shitty, but rejoice in the days that made this all worth it. Hopefully, I’ll have something more exciting to share next time :|

[04/10/14; 5:25pm]

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