(Photo taken 04/09/14 from a friend’s apartment in Little Italy)
I have been in this new city for three months and after a short series of unfortunate events, it has made me question if it was a mistake leaving home. And then I realized how ridiculous that sounded and reassured myself that I regret nothing. I may not have any income, (as I slowly deplete into my savings), and I may be crashing on a couch in the city, and I may not have the slightest idea of what I’m doing, but I’ll take this over the alternative. The alternative, of course, being preparing for Cinco de Mayo at a Mexican restaurant and daydreaming of getting out of my comfortable life.
Alright, no need to sugar coat it, I’m just going to lay it all out there. I have absolutely no fucking idea what I am doing. Finding a job has proven to be far more difficult than I imagined (although I did have a job just shy of two weeks before quitting, but I won’t get into that). I am basically a lost bird who left the nest and is flying from branch to branch. I have no idea what a home is as I am bouncing from guest room, to guest couch, to wherever I can sleep. Some days, I break down in tears at how unbelievably home sick I get. I’ve weened off of my medication and now all my neurotransmitters are back to being all out of whack. And I’ve met a boy who I may or may not have developed these things called “feelings” for and I have no idea what to do with them (aaand I hope he’s not reading this because I’ll be embarrassed).
But like I said, I don’t take any of this back for anything.
Half the battle is trying something different…it doesn’t work for all and that’s not a bad thing. The fact that you tried is SO awesome and admirable!… From my point of view, you ROCK for having tried it!!!
My old manager, mentor, and friend said that to me the other day as a reassurance that I did the right thing. It may not feel like it at the moment, but my time here is far from over. On my worst days, I want nothing more than to pack up my things and go back home. But on my best days, I reflect on how I was able to see and do things that I never even thought were possible. I think back to a year ago when I was struggling to graduate school, and after all the times I almost gave up, I still managed. I think back to all my hardest days and how I was able to get through them. And with that, this is no different.
So, in conclusion, I’ve been here for three months, still have no idea what I’m doing, and deal with some days that are shitty, but rejoice in the days that made this all worth it. Hopefully, I’ll have something more exciting to share next time :|