Apartment hunting frustration

Tuesday, July 15 2014

At work talking to my co worker about how I’m back to square one and he says, 

“You never left square one. You just brought someone in there with you. You’re still in square one, just alone now.”

I laughed, but ain’t that the truth. Life.

Today is my half year mark of living in Chicago

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(07/10/2014 Taken from Roosevelt Rd. as I walked to the bus stop after getting off work)

Thursday, July 10, 2014
Six months ago, I left home. And for the first three months, I really had nothing to share. I actually was pretty miserable every time a month hit and I realized that I had nothing to show for it. BUT it’s also been three months since I’ve updated this. I’ve been busy because I accepted a job that I almost didn’t even show up to the interview for (life is funny like that). And now with a month and a half into it, I’m so relieved that it all worked out because I would’ve kicked myself in the butt for having missed out on this opportunity.

Long story short, I work for Uber as a Brand Ambassador and Operations Assistant. During the week, it’s a normal Monday-Friday 9-5 office job and I sit there and approve documents all day– not very exciting. But I work with the most interesting people where we sit and talk and laugh together all day where it doesn’t even feel like work. Then during the weekends every now and then, I work events where I give away free stuff and free rides to people who sign up with Uber. And it’s great because I get paid to go to these festivals that I never heard of and I get free food, water, t shirts, and sometimes they’re even free concerts. Also, it’s great networking ;)

I’m also struggling to make it through the summer here. Winter was not a problem for me (because we all know I love the cold), but this summer is BRUTAL. It’s hot and humid and makes me sticky and lethargic and I hate it.

I am also in the works of finding a place– with a roommate. I was so adamant on finding a place on my own, mostly because it was a pride thing. Buuut I finally succumbed and accepted that having a roommate is the most practical idea. But this apartment hunting is a pain in my ass and it’s like trying to find a job all over again.

Also, with my first half of a year away from home, I have missed my all of my family’s birthdays, Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day. And that was rough for me to know that they were out celebrating together while I was here.

 

And for your entertainment, here’s a list of things that I have noticed/learned while being here so far:

1. A two mile commute will take you fifteen minutes.
There is traffic. Every day. Every where. 11pm on a Sunday night. 1:30 in the afternoon on a Wednesday. Because why the fuck not?

2. Driving here is a nightmare.
Because drivers are assholes and parking is a pain in the ass. I can’t even get into it.

3. Don’t bother trying to change lanes. They are lined with potholes.
Just don’t.

4. Speaking of potholes… they are sinkholes.
You do all know I’m terrified of sinkholes, right?

5. When you say you’re on LSD, you are not on drugs.
You’re on Lake Shore Dr and LSD is the abbreviation for the beautifully scenic route along Lake Michigan.

6. Paulina St. is pronounced Paul-ine-uh, not Paul-een-uh.
I also just recently learned that it’s pronounced SHI-cago not CHI-cago and feel like an idiot and am wondering why no one told me this before.

7. People think that it’s “endearing” that you put your parking brake on.
By endearing, I’m sure my friend meant idiotic. There are no hills here. Flat surface. Everywhere. Why.

8. You get all four seasons… in one day.
It can be nice and breezy in the morning, 90 degrees with 75% humidity during the day, then at night it’ll rain and thunderstorm. Thunderstorms are pretty scary, btw.

9. They LOVE their sports
I’m not talking seasonal fans (ahem, Padres and Chargers fans), but you’ll see Chicago sports team pride all year long. Bulls. Blackhawks. Bears. Cubs. White Sox. Every day. Every where.

10. They put lettuce on their tacos and try to convince you that it’s Mexican food.
Also, their salsa is served warm (what?), and their guacamole is awful. But I will give them some credit, I have had some decent Mexican food here. It’s just not the same, though!

 

Aaand I guess that’ll do it for now. Check back with me sooon ;)

Take things are they are.

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I’ve never been the type to “live in the moment” and just “go with the flow.” However, at this point in my life, I really have no other option. I’m way too anxious of a person to be able to just go about without plan or destination. I guess the older I got, the idea of living spontaneously just got slightly more comfortable. Maybe comfortable isn’t the right word, though. Maybe I’ve just learned to accommodate, especially under circumstances just way beyond my control. The moment you start to accept that you cannot control everything, and there will be outcomes that you may or may not have expected, the more liberating you feel.

I am liberated. I am learning to take deep breaths and appreciate what I have, while not being concerned about what I don’t. I’m just trying my best to take things as they are. Nothing more, nothing less.

[05/01/14; 7:35pm]

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I like the idea of being alone. I like the idea of often being alone in all aspects of my life. I like to feel lonely. I like to need things.

- Robert Plant.

I like the idea…

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Three month reflection

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(Photo taken 04/09/14 from a friend’s apartment in Little Italy)

I have been in this new city for three months and after a short series of unfortunate events, it has made me question if it was a mistake leaving home. And then I realized how ridiculous that sounded and reassured myself that I regret nothing. I may not have any income, (as I slowly deplete into my savings), and I may be crashing on a couch in the city, and I may not have the slightest idea of what I’m doing, but I’ll take this over the alternative. The alternative, of course, being preparing for Cinco de Mayo at a Mexican restaurant and daydreaming of getting out of my comfortable life.

Alright, no need to sugar coat it, I’m just going to lay it all out there. I have absolutely no fucking idea what I am doing. Finding a job has proven to be far more difficult than I imagined (although I did have a job just shy of two weeks before quitting, but I won’t get into that). I am basically a lost bird who left the nest and is flying from branch to branch. I have no idea what a home is as I am bouncing from guest room, to guest couch, to wherever I can sleep. Some days, I break down in tears at how unbelievably home sick I get. I’ve weened off of my medication and now all my neurotransmitters are back to being all out of whack. And I’ve met a boy who I may or may not have developed these things called “feelings” for and I have no idea what to do with them (aaand I hope he’s not reading this because I’ll be embarrassed).

But like I said, I don’t take any of this back for anything.

Half the battle is trying something different…it doesn’t work for all and that’s not a bad thing. The fact that you tried is SO awesome and admirable!… From my point of view, you ROCK for having tried it!!!

My old manager, mentor, and friend said that to me the other day as a reassurance that I did the right thing. It may not feel like it at the moment, but my time here is far from over. On my worst days, I want nothing more than to pack up my things and go back home. But on my best days, I reflect on how I was able to see and do things that I never even thought were possible. I think back to a year ago when I was struggling to graduate school, and after all the times I almost gave up, I still managed. I think back to all my hardest days and how I was able to get through them. And with that, this is no different.

So, in conclusion, I’ve been here for three months, still have no idea what I’m doing, and deal with some days that are shitty, but rejoice in the days that made this all worth it. Hopefully, I’ll have something more exciting to share next time :|

[04/10/14; 5:25pm]

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Do I Wanna Know- Artic Monkeys

Have you got colour in your cheeks?
Do you ever get that fear that you can’t shift
The type that sticks around like summat in your teeth?
Are there some aces up your sleeve?
Have you no idea that you’re in deep?
I dreamt about you nearly every night this week
How many secrets can you keep?
‘Cause there’s this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow and I play it on repeat
Until I fall asleep
Spilling drinks on my settee

(Do I wanna know)
If this feeling flows both ways?
(Sad to see you go)
Was sort of hoping that you’d stay
(Baby we both know)
That the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can’t say tomorrow day

Crawling back to you

Ever thought of calling when you’ve had a few?
‘Cause I always do
Maybe I’m too busy being yours to fall for somebody new
Now I’ve thought it through

Crawling back to you

So have you got the guts?
Been wondering if your heart’s still open and if so I wanna know what time it shuts
Simmer down and pucker up
I’m sorry to interrupt. It’s just I’m constantly on the cusp of trying to kiss you
I don’t know if you feel the same as I do
But we could be together if you wanted to

(Do I wanna know)
If this feeling flows both ways?
(Sad to see you go)
Was sort of hoping that you’d stay
(Baby we both know)
That the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can’t say tomorrow day

Crawling back to you (Crawling back to you)

Ever thought of calling when you’ve had a few?
‘Cause I always do
Maybe I’m too busy being yours to fall for somebody new
Now I’ve thought it through

Crawling back to you

 

–> This song is so relevant right now that I can’t even handle it.
[03/26/14-1:04am]

Response to- Writing Challenge: Writerly Reflections

This is my first time doing a daily challenge. This challenge wants us to think back to how and when we fell in love with writing, so I thought sure why not.

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I can’t quite pinpoint an exact moment on when I realized that I loved writing. What I do remember is that I was in the sixth grade and during Christmas time, a close friend of mine gave me this fuzzy pink journal. My first thought was, what the hell am I supposed to do with this? Little did I know at the time how useful it turned out to be. Fast forward fourteen years and endless diaries/journals/blogs later, I owe it all to that journal and how it was the start of something great.

During grade school, I was not the stereotypical Asian, as I was failing math classes and passing my English/writing classes with A’s on top of A’s. Before the time of iPhones and tablets, my friends and I would pass notes to each other during passing periods. Filled with teenage angst and battling puberty, what was there really to talk about besides how much we hated our parents and how cute that boy who sat behind us in science class was? Regardless of the topics we covered, those were times where we were able to share our deepest desires without having to worry about the amount of “likes” we could generate.

From an academic standpoint, my teachers praised me for my writing. I think the thing I liked about writing was that it not only came easy to me, but it was a release. Writing was the complete opposite of math, where there was usually only one correct answer, but different ways to get there. And although we dreaded writing essays on books that we skimmed through, writing taught us that there was no right or wrong answer. Instead, it made us analyze a topic and forced us to prove the reader why what we were discussing was true and valid.

One of my proudest moments in high school came in the tenth grade when I won an essay contest. All, or most, tenth graders at the time were required to write an essay about “When Not to Keep a Secret.” Mine was about knowing someone who wanted to commit suicide, but I was not a fan of the paper, so I threw it away. A couple months later, I found out that my essay was the winning essay of school, and one of four in the county. My English teacher, crazy ol’ Ms. Nixon, was so proud of me that she gave me an automatic A+++. Of course everyone asked to read my essay after this, and I had to tell them that I discarded it.

I wish I could say why I really threw the essay away. I think I was so discouraged when I found out about other students who turned essays in, students who had 4.0+ GPAs. Typical me, beating myself up, I thought there’s no way I could compete with these guys; this essay is horrible. Well, I was wrong. But this comes to show that our biggest critic is no one but ourselves. For whatever reason, we are convinced that no matter how good we think we are, there is always someone better. I guess that’s just the battle of a perfectionist.

Anyway, where am I going with this? I think I lost track as my mind trailed elsewhere. Back to writing– my teachers were impressed, my friends loved my stories and told me I should write a book one day, and my journals knew me better than anyone else. My favorite type of writing is non-fiction, and it’s usually about love, or lack there of. Heartbreak was the greatest inspiration from my writing, because I knew it all too well. At a young age, I was constantly searching for love. Falling for boys who were no good for me was my forte. Being so intense with my feelings, when I fell for a boy, I fell hard. When my first boyfriend broke up with me, he said “You’ll never find anyone better than me. I was the best thing to ever happen to you.” A year later, I made him eat those words when he tried to ask me out again. We were young and I thought I loved him, but unlike him, I grew up. And every boy that came after him was infinitely greater than he was. And every boy who walks into my life makes a great story (How very Taylor Swift of me, I know).

In conclusion, I write to release all my emotions that are bottled up. I write to entertain. I write to share my stories so that others can relate. I write to help me figure out life. And most importantly, I write for me.

–> http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/03/24/writing-challenge-reflections/

Reading back on this, I’m not even sure if I answered the prompt or not. And my mind may or may not have been just scattered all over the place. Whoops.

[03/24/14- 7:00pm]

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